GW Bush finally has proof that he was in the military thanks to the good folks at K.B. Toys. Yup Dubya has his own action figure.
Then I started thinking, well that isn't fair. It's not like W does much, the people around him are the ones that really make things happen. If anyone deserves to be immortalized in resin it should be them. So here are some ideas for future Bush Administration action figures:
| Dick Cheney: Oil Man | |
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Look out! He’s escaped from his undisclosed location
and is looking for oil. That’s right the VIP VP is going to
make sure your SUV doesn't cost a lot to drive. He comes with more
cheap oil than a Tijuana massage parlor. Fully equipped with Saudi
“We have no terrorists” Arabian oil, this unlimited-edition
action figure is a meticulous 1:6 scale recreation of what Dick is
all about! Notice the Halliburton lapel pin, after all he never forgets
his pals. (Energy task force meetings notes NOT INCLUDED!) |
| This fully poseable figure features Dick’s fat old head, fully loaded barrels, and the weapons to blow up the uppity brown people who think it belongs to them! So pull up with your Canyonaro, Dick is at the pumps and the pumping is good! Comes with free "Kick their ass and take their gas" bumper sticker. This incredibly detailed figure is a fitting addition to the Bush Administration’s team of terrorist trouncers. Even if the terrorists aren't there! | |
| Donald Rumsfeld: The Jester | |
Well gosh and golly, it's the man who answers his own questions saving reporters time and energy! Is this action figure fully possable? Does he ever stop with the evil grin? Heavens to betsy no! Is it articulate? Of course! Listen to some of the things he says when Karl Rove pulls his string: |
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"You will only received direct, honest answers from me, and they'll either be that I know and I'll answer you, or I don't know, or I know and I won't answer you. And that'll be it." or "Well, first of all, you're beginning with an illogical premise and proceeding perfectly logically to an illogical conclusion, which is a dangerous thing to do." |
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| John Ashcroft: Chainsaw O' Justice | |
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Hide your Constitution and Bill of Rights or they’ll turn to Ash! John Ashcroft that is! He’s replaced his hand with a chainsaw to slice and dice liberties for all! But if you think he’s hard on freedom that’s nothing compared to what he does to crime. If there’s a bong in America that needs arresting or a cancer patient needs to be handcuffed he’ll be there! He is fully possable, (except in front of naked statues.) and comes fully wrapped in the flag with copies of the Patriot Acts I and II and the super double secret probation Victory Act. |
| He also comes with a Bible
with all of Leviticus underlined over and over and over again and
the finest in surveillance equipment that will record everything you
read, say, do and coming in 2004 think! Censored Statue of Justice sold separately! |
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